


Broken Brain

by phunWorks



Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Childhood Trauma, Dissociation, F/M, Hallucinations, Mental Confusion, Mood Swings, Suicide Attempt, did, time loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:53:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24057793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phunWorks/pseuds/phunWorks
Summary: The snow wasn't cold under his feet, but it still remained absent of warmth. Tyler's sixteen year old body had no feeling, but he shivered still.
Relationships: Tyler Joseph/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 3





	Broken Brain

**Author's Note:**

> *Suicide Attempt trigger at the beginning.*  
> **other potentially triggering flashback material later will mark it**  
> this is a short little thing I wrote, i'm still working on my other/bigger projects, so keep an eye for that  
> ..or not.

**

Curing the whole damn world was the only way he felt he had a chance of making thing right. Curing it of himself. It would safe anyone from his poison. 

the gun rested loosely in his hand and his rested his dripping face on his forearm. Tyler was doubled over as if to comfort his body one last time.

This would be okay. This would be fine. Everyone could be better now. They could stop hurting. Maybe he could too, not that he'd ever deserve it. 

Tyler didn't deserve peace and longed for death. Death would undoubtedly punish him. And that would be okay.

_you lost them_

Tyler sobbed again. Why couldn't he quit crying?

_how could you let them go?_

"I don't know...." he sobbed into himself. "I didn't want to. I didn't want this."

_you deserve this._

Tyler choked on air and coughed. He sat up, gripping the revolver tight, his trigger finger avoiding the actual trigger.

_do it_

He shook his head back and forth once and then stood up.

_do it_

He paced next to the couch he'd been sitting on. Tyler's sobs had stopped, they were locked away in his chest with his breath. It was his fault, he knew this. nothing was going to make this better.

_do it. do it now. hurry up and do it._

Except this.

**_do it_ **

Tyler raised the pistol swiftly to his temple, his finger finally curling around the trigger and his pacing ceased. He let out one last breath. 

" _Stop!_ " The voice was so loud, it thundered the single room of the shed. Tyler's eyes opened, facing the door. No one was there. His vision went white began turning into stars and static. Tyler's ears rang until sound became absolutely absent, even the ringing. 

**

_The snow wasn't cold under his feet, but it still remained absent of warmth. Tyler's sixteen year old body had no feeling, but he shivered still. Wandering inside the lonely cabin inside the clearing of snow he walked over to the burning fireplace. The fire never died out, but it didn't comfort him either. Tyler only obsessed over the flames. The flames were chaotic and majestic all at the same time. So beautiful while it destroyed everything it touched, but not this fire. This fire was dull and it hurt nothing. Tyler often placed his very hand into the orange "danger". **Nothing.** So much nothing in this place was the worst part about it. Nothing felt safe, too. Nothing meant nothing in either extreme. Nothing good happened here, but nothing bad happened either. Tyler deserved the nothing. What better prison could he have? He was a guy who fed on emotion, without emotion, he starved away. Withered into something so far gone there was no reaching him. No one could save him here. Not a soul. This was his purgatory that he rightfully for existing. _

"-you know what I mean? Like how could someone think it's funny to just do that to a person?" Tyler looked to his right, on a long leather couch in front of a mostly bare white wall sat a girl with curly brown hair. Her skin was tan like his, and her eyes grew wet behind fashionable eyeglasses. "I just wish people weren't such shit. You know?"

Tyler stared at her confused. He must've missed something. Like, it really feels and seems as if he missed something _very_ important here. He no clue of the context with the conversation, nor who this girl was. Maybe he shouldn't say girl, she wasn't young and looked maybe a couple years older than Tyler. He decided to nod as if he understood. She took a deep breath.

"I can quit talking about it, I'm sorry." Oh shit, he thought. He seemed to have upset her and he wanted to make it right. Tyler may have not known this woman, but he also had no intention of allowing her to feel hurt. He understood the feeling and wanted to prevent it from happening to another if he could.

"I'm sorry," he started. Tyler's heart was racing, eyes glowed behind her, and whispers far away were starting to get closer.

The brown haired girl sat up with a look of concern. "Are you okay T.?"

Who the fuck was T.? Tyler assumed himself, but why would she call him that? He didn't like it. Moreover, where was he. Tylers eyes danced over the living room before him. His fireplace gone, and in front of him was a coffee table parallel to a _very_ flat television. Tyler looked down at his lap where his arm lay lazily. They're bare and he felt naked only a moment before his came to the realization that they were only bare of fabric. He had tattoos. How could he have tattoos?

It felt like buzzing in his brain and a flood of voices swarmed his ears. His conciousness was under attack, he was to his feet in seconds. Above him must've been darkness because he saw nothing. Colors shot around in streams around his head. The floor fell away like puzzle pieces under him, soon Tyler felt his body freefall. With a sharp inhale of breath he hadn't known he needed the darkness snapped away and the colors flew away.

_Dull flames crackled lowly in front of him. His rocking chair felt like nothing under him, nor did it rock. Tyler felt **nothing**. For the first time in the nothing, he finally slept._

_"It'll be okay. I promise. Just breathe." The voice was so soothing and sweet. It reminded Tyler of lavendar. He soothed back to sleep, not understanding where the voice was, just happy it was there._

_Music was playing. Real music that Tyler hadn't heard before. The meloncholoy beat and lyrics cut deep into Tyler's true emotions. He'd become unaccustomed to the presence of emotions. The numb had wiped his memory of how to express them, so he lay there, in front of his fireplace that offered not warmth and on a rug that hurt his skin. Tyler hated it here. He hated this cabin._

_He wanted out._

_"Hey, hey, breathe," the voice. The sweet voice that wrapped his being in comfort and rest. "Can you talk to me? Who is this?"_

Tyler allowed his eyes to open. Beads of water on and sliding down glass was the first thing he noticed. Music was playing softly with the music over the radio. The radio looked old, maybe some 2000s model, the cab was raised and in the review the ass of this thing stuck out far. It looked to be some model of a dark green van with a curved hood. Finally he looked to his left. Behind the steering wheel was the source of the voice, repeating earlier questions. Tyler didn't think to answer, carried away with her olive skin, short haircut and well suited square glasses. Behind the lenses, her chocolate brown eyes carried looks of concern. Tyler wondered why. He decided to greet her, "Hey." 

She smiled some, her cheeks made her eyes squint and her glasses move upward. He had to admit it was the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen. Tyler smiled back. "Hey," she said back. "Who am I talking to?"

This girl didn't seem to know him either, which made him feel a bit better. That'd be awkward like the last one he'd met. "My name's Tyler," he replied. 

She nodded. "So this isn't Andrew?" Her question phased him a bit. Andrew was someone Tyler once saw but he wasn't re-.... (**)Tyler's breathing hitched as the sounded of a screaming child echoed through his ears. The child was _in pain. So much pain. Everything hurt. His back twisted and ached in a paralyzing extreme. He couldn't move his legs or his arm. The other was free, it gripped sheets while he continued to scream. The searing pain lower down forced out another scream, tears were streaking his face._ (**)

"Hey! Hey! It's okay! You're okay!" The lavendar voice raised became more of an alert to him than a comfort. Perhaps the alert was better because the van was back. Tears were still falling and he noticed he'd curled his body in defense. The driver had leaned over and had embraced Tyler in a secure hug. "Shh, it's okay. You're okay." 

Tyler's breath came out trembling at the pace of his physical body. His muscles ached and his heart still beat fast, though it had slowed considerably. "It'll be okay." He heard once more. Again, he fell asleep. This time he felt the comfort and warmth offered by the unknown woman. 

{1 year later}

The first day of Tyler's new life had been terrifying for him to discover. Consciously, his mind was still often that of a sixteen year old's. The first month, the beasts and angelic beings around him tried to tear at his mind. Three months later, he couldn't manage to feel one way or the other for more than two hours at a time. Therapy, he'd almost given up on, had begun to help him six months into his new world. In this world his body had reached close to it's mid-twenties, it had multiple tattoos and it had survived many things he couldn't recall. This person he was introduced himself to the people in his "other" life. A boy Josh is someone he particularly liked. 

The comforting voice ended up as more that just that. They would likely marry around their two year anniversary. This felt like a lie to the others in his mind, so he called this anniversary in particular _his_. The woman they were to marry had been friends with headmates of his for years, the wedding would act more like a strong friendship and relationship of 7 years. 

Talking with professionals and his fiancé was what gave a name to his livelihood. Not that the label was necessary, however the knowledge of not being alone felt like some stress relief for him. They're fiancé, after all, was much like him. They endured the same livelihood, almost. Different people have different responses and difficulties; but it only made her more of his soulmate. 

Life was better, he only wished he wouldn't have missed the first part of getting to know the people he was surrounded with. 

Tyler didn't want to fall asleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't edit or anything, really. So, yeah, there's my free-write this good ol' Thursday


End file.
